'I feel like I'm falling behind...'
Updated: Jul 31, 2020
I spoke to a friend recently, who is a truly lovely person. I was really grateful that he would share with me that he felt like he was falling behind. There were certain benchmarks he needed to hit. 'Everyone' around him was doing something substantial, this plan he had to follow but wasn't, was making him feel pretty down. I thought to myself, that's exactly how I felt at one point. Maybe many people feel or felt like this?
Personally, I felt impatient to my bones. What have I got to say for myself? I need to find a partner, buy a house, get a dream career, be 'happy' and quick! I had these big plans for myself. It took a massive wake-up call for me to look at my life and start asking those questions. What is it I'm f*cking chasing? When I have all this, will I be set? Is that it?
Here's what I came up with...
Let's say *everyone* around you is getting married, having kids, doing further studies, 'accomplishing' so much. Imagine a world where this was the only path. You had to follow these steps. God, how boring would that be? This is it for you? When you think it about it this way, isn't a lot of these accomplishments you *need* just another way to get validation from those around you. Don't get me wrong we all seek recognition in some way or another. That's not the point. What I'm saying is, by saying that you need to do this right now, in these stages, you stunt your growth. There could be beautiful and different things waiting for you but you'll never know. Because all you're doing is chasing is what everyone around you wants. You can have all those things too, but on your own terms! In your own timeline. It will be brilliant and authentically yours.
In the meantime, why don't you spend this glorious time of 'nothingness', of no partner, no house, no set career to: find yourself. What does 'success' mean to you? What a unique time in your life. You have your whole life to do all those things that we crave as humans, that we all yearn for. There's no set time. Why are we all in such a rush? Don't be one of those people. Whether it's later or earlier, when you want to do it, it will be just right.
Life will surprise you. Stop waiting for excitement, purpose, connection, passion to fall into your lap. We all create these excuses, our finances, our family, our culture, our life: that's what's stopping me. But those are all excuses. All that's stopping you from the life you want is you and you alone. What I've come to realise is that you just need the courage to leap out of your comfort zone, and all those things you thought you *needed* will be a distant memory. Start with healing and loving yourself, search for your authentic you and everything will fall into place.
But how to find these passions? Everyone seems to know what they love and what to do.
In my next post, I will be discussing how to find your passions and how this is one step in finding yourself.